The vast majority of Wisconsin 'drivers' are moronic. This is not to say they're stupid. Many of them would prove to be quite intelligent if you yanked them out of the driver's seat as you threw them to the ground. But that's beside the point. They act in a moronic and inconsiderate manner. I've come to the sad realization that it's hopeless to lecture them because even the smartest of them don't care. That's right. They just don't care to be any better. For what it's worth, these are not isolated instances I recall. Every one of these things happens in front of me every single day.
Let's start with cell phones.
HANG UP AND DRIVE!
I don't feel the need to generate a huge new rant about this. It's been done so much better before, by other people. Let's just say that I hate them. I see people talking on them daily, in heavy traffic. Wisconsin drivers are generally not bright enough to actually use the simple expedient (of which I would generally approve) of a Bluetooth device. Even after I tell parents of my daughter's friends, point blank, "I do not want to attend your funeral. Get a $20 Bluetooth and use it," they persist in driving with a cellphone slapped to their ears, driving with one hand and less than half a brain devoted to the task. Not just sometimes; constantly. If our idiot governor wanted to make up a budget shortfall, all he'd have to do is fine cellphone use in cars. We'd be swimming in cash. I'm ashamed to say that one of my acquaintances even crashed into a police car, with lights and sirens, going through an intersection - because she was texting. [The county wants some serious cash for that one.]
Continuing on, we have to consider the peculiar Wisconsin habit I call 'tethering'. It's also reasonably well understood if you call it 'left lane blocking' or 'impeding'. What it amounts to is driving along in the left lane of a multi-lane street or road at the same speed as traffic right beside you. Here's what no one in Wisconsin seems to understand:
THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING OR FOR TURNING LEFT.
Not just on the interstate; EVERYWHERE. It's the very reason multi-lane streets were invented. If the intent of traffic flow were for everyone to proceed at the same pace as the slowest driver on the road, we wouldn't need extra lanes. We could all go plodding along in one big slow line. Wisconsin drivers prefer to go plodding along in TWO big slow lines. It doesn't bother them in the least. They are moronically oblivious to overtaking traffic. Some of them even consider it their God-given right to regulate the speed of others by impeding them. It is not; at least not until you're wearing a police uniform. I drive for miles every single day on four-lane streets where the traffic seems tethered side by side in the adjacent lanes. It only takes two clueless drivers to pull this off; and you can bet that, even if there are only two cars within several blocks of one another, this is what they'll be doing. Neither will speed up or slow to change lanes or to allow others past, regardless of how many cars are piled up in the big parade behind them. They nearly make my head explode.
Wisconsin drivers also have no understanding of how to turn onto a four-lane street. My casual observations suggest that at least half of all turns they make are into the wrong lane (which should be the closest one to the road or drive you're turning out of, unless it's a clearly marked continuation of the lane from which you started).
USE THE FIRST LANE YOU COME TO, OR
STAY IN YOUR LANE!
Is this EVER enforced? I heard the complaint of a newspaper writer here about a decade ago who got a citation for it. But did it make an impression? Apparently not. This idiotic habit is so ingrained, it is regarded as a right by some. I've had one moron in a minivan nearly run me over on a motorcycle as he changed lanes in an intersection, then claim it was 'his lane' when I yelled at him.
Wisconsin drivers have no understanding of how to turn - period. I say this because of all the 'farmer turns' I see. This is when a car or truck goes to the opposite side of the lane from the direction they plan to turn. In other words, they veer to the left to turn right and they veer right to turn left. The reason this is called a 'farmer turn' is because, if you're pulling a wagon with a steering front axle, you need to allow for the wagon's smaller inside turning radius on tight (90ยบ or less) turns. Here's your clue, Wisconsin:
YOU AREN'T PULLING A HAY WAGON!
You probably NEVER HAVE!
Your stupid Buick, Chevy, Lexus, Pontiac, or whatever,
doesn't even have a hitch on it!
Stop light etiquette. No clues here, either. Let's start with the lack of understanding of the color 'green'. When you are at the front of a line of cars and the light facing your lane turns green, you are supposed to proceed into the intersection, even if you plan to turn left. If the intersection is large enough, it's considerate to move out far enough that a second car behind you can also get into the intersection. When the light changes and oncoming traffic clears, you may continue your turn. You haven't broken any laws. Look it up:
You are always allowed to enter an intersection under a green light,
as long as you can leave it immediately after, even if it means you won't leave until it's turned red. That isn't your fault and it is not a traffic offense as long as you do it as quickly as you can, when you can.
In fairness, I don't see this one every single day. but it happens often enough:
If it is obvious that you won't be able to proceed out of an intersection when you enter it (traffic is already backed up where you're trying to go), then you shouldn't enter,
The other thing that I do at multiple lane intersections is consider whether someone behind me might want to turn right on red if I have to stop at a light where I have a choice of lanes. I almost invariably allow them that courtesy - unless someone's already been a jerk to me and I can block them there. I figure that's fair play. Nobody else even thinks about this, so my intentional passive aggressiveness is not even noticed. However, I DO notice it when some oblivious moron does it in front of me.
To their credit, there are very few Wisconsin drivers who are actively aggressive, so I rarely have to step up my game. Since I've driven in most major metropolitan areas in the US and Canada as well as in such places as Rome and Mexico City, I can handle pretty much any level of traffic stress. The big problems here aren't a result of conscious aggression; they're a result of a complete lack of thought devoted to the task - and that aggravates me and sorely tests my tolerance for incompetence. OK; rant over - or at least paused for the moment ...
